#1

You know, it's ridiculous how much you were able to constantly make me change my mind. I wrote some time ago, "It was crazy & intoxicating, it was lovely, it was frustrating, it was wonderful", but shortly after it was, "I was saving you, but you were killing me". Thing was, I missed you every time. The day it came to a complete end; when we decided that we would stop seeing each other anymore.. or maybe you did cause I believed every word you said. I was deceived. That was almost a year ago. And who knew that a year ago today, would be the day you became the person who taught me to smile again.

I forget how to smile. But I went up to my room that night and stood in front of the mirror, and I smiled. This time it was as though all hell was gone and life was perfect. I start to think of the days we'd spent everyday until a year ago. How is it that the same person who pushed me down the hardest would be the one to bring me back up again? I'm glad that it was you. Seeing you now and you before, felt the same and yet.. so different. You were the same person who could make me laugh whenever but even better that in that moment, you made me feel like a million dollars. For that, I am forever grateful to have had and still in a way, have you.

It made me realize that there were many things left unsaid. I liked that when you talked to me, you looked in my eyes. How you always knew when to give me a hug. The stupid things you say that made me laugh even when I don't want to. All those things made me loved missing you. And remember I said that no matter what happens, I'd still care about you. I meant it. I don't know if it shows but I do. You said the same to me and I chose not to believe it but I was wrong. You've been there, haven't you? So unconsciously until that night.

So this is me, with all my heart, thanking you. For everything. From the start to the end to the next beginning. I am happy seeing you happy even though it the end, it isn't with me. You are a wonderful person and I can see that only the better are ahead of you.

X