Thoughts of you kept me up tonight as I find myself wanting to hear you speak. Listened to you sing in the end; I'm ready to go to sleep. It's 2.26am and just like the way I used to stay up and eventually fall asleep while you stay awake for your strange work hours, good night.

How do you appear on mountains in the desert too?

When you left

Much has happened. Much that I'm sure you do not (or try not to be) care for but here are a list of things I think you'd be glad to know or shocked about

#1 I no longer have the best body, no more competing on who could last longer on the treadmill, staring at that ugly green roof they called a view. A part of me feels like a sluggish pig but then a happy one cause I realised that the whole fitness craze was just something I loved to like because it was something you loved. But thank you for helping me achieve my now gone thunder thighs and toned arms.

#2 I don't watch the stars anymore. No sentimental reason like because it used to be "our" thing or whatever, I just stopped. Though it did feel nicer when I had your chest to lie on.

#3 No one else can make me eat instant noodles. Well, that hasn't changed, you were always the only one.

#4 I can't listen to Drake's Take Care without remembering that that was the last song you told me to listen to before starting your slow leave without a reason or goodbye except "I'll miss being able to see your face everyday". It made it worse that you chose to leave slowly, why couldn't you have just left and killed me straight rather than let me painfully care for you while you took your time to care less and less like watching a blunt object penetrate through my body? What's funny is that when Rihanna's Stay was released, I heard it and thought about that night.. Instantly.

#5 Still wondering why you sang every song you did to me.

#6 The things I left in your room that you said you'd like to keep, do you still have them? And what did you do with them if you still did cause the things you left with me are left untouched, unused and almost forgotten in the faded pink box by my window. I haven't forgotten about them, I said almost.

#7 The last time we bumped into each other, you pretended that your abandonment towards me never happened. How do you do that? No, how did you make me feel like it never happened? How could you give me a hug and initiate a heartfelt sort of conversation with me, tell me you're sorry you disappeared, that things hasn't been well and then leave.. Again.

#8 Many guys have drifted in and out of my life but none made me feel any sense of security like you did. Your hugs have always been the best. They always felt.. Real.

#9 I still wonder now and then if things would've been different if I told you in words and to your face that I wanted you. I wanted all of you and never to let me go but I thought I was being selfish because you always spoke about the world ahead of you and I wanted you to explore and find the world you spoke of with nothing holding you back. Now, you're grounded as an old tree, to someone, who's not me.

#9 I also fantasize about the day you'd come running back to me. The day you'd tell me you're sorry and say that you want me back. I imagine myself forgiving you ever so easily and falling into your arms, head first on your chest again.. But then I think no, just no. Because fuck you; I was only a tool. You broke my heart.

#10 I told myself that if we were to meet again, I would ask you who, what and why. Who was I to you? What did all the things we've gone through meant to you? Why did you lie to me about the girl you now love? Why can't you admit to me that you love her? Why are you still so affectionate towards me when you know that I know about her? Why are you still hoping that I'd hold on? Why did you have to be the one? Why did I invest my all to you, and you knew, when you never did? Why would you speak of things you never believed in to paint a picture of a world unknown to make me think you were someone you're not? What a joke.

#11 I was happy; but happier ever since you've gone.